Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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