I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
