My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
