This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish I only lived at night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
