Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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