I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
