Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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