I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
