Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
