DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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