she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize