I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
