Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
