Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
