oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
