i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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