Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
