We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
