it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
