today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
