Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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