So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
