It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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