I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
