Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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