we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
did i just pee glitter
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
