Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
