she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
