The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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