What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
