Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize