let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
