I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
