so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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