Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
