I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
