So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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