this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Rumble strips road head = magical
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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