I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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