Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
