His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
