I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
