somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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