it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
