i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
