Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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