Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
