Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
