I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize