It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
