I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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