i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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