dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
