You just made me feel so damn special
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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