I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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