remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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