i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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