well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
