There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
