Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize