Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
