Tell her she can't have a vagina
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
