It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
