Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Randomize