I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
