Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
