i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
