you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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