I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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