Say something about gay babies.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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