My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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