i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
