Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
