he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
