I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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