there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
