Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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