dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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