My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
