The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
