I just cut my nipple shaving
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize