my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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