if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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