I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
