he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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