SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
