you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
